a christmas warning
i have the most dangerous shrub in the world. if you are walking to the front of my house, it flanks the left side of my porch/patio/slab-of-concrete. i mention my shrub today because christmas day is swiftly bearing down upon us...stay with me. my shub is holly. it has sharp, pointy leaves and bright red berries and is made into wreaths for doors and the occasional grill of a large suv. it is a very dangerous plant.
this got me to thinking about chrismas plants, and i realized that they are all dangerous. for those of you that are unfamiliar with the 'traditional' christmas plants...here's a rundown (feel free to point out any i miss): holly, mistletoe, poinsetta, and ye olde tenenbaum.
now, you may be saying, 'ok, nick. i'll give you that holly is pointy and painful if touched (or fell in) but what's the danger in a tree parasite, a pretty red flower, and a christmas tree?'--oh, you poor naive child...you do not see the peril that surrounds you:
holly: while not only dangerously sharp, but it's pretty little berries are toxic...they could cause vomitting and diarrhea. this is what we call a 'double-threat,' holly attacks you from the outside and the inside.
mistletoe: first, it's a parastite. it kills trees...so, trees should already fear it. second, its berries are also poisonsous. mistletoe is a multi-species threat...neither flora nor fauna are safe.
poinsetta: first off, it's a liar...it's not even a flower; this could be the most dangerous of all since it attacks you psychologically. also, if you eat it you'll be spending Jesus' birthday worshipping a god of porcelain...if you catch my drift.
the christmas tree: ok, it's not poisonous, it's pointy...but not that pointy. it is, however, sort of heavy and flammable. and, if you have cats you have no doubt seen the shattered remnants of your thin-glassed ornaments scattered about the floor. one could step on those...in the dark...barefooted. just saying.
so, use this information and be weary of this malicious plant life that cons its way into our homes in this holy season. be safe this christmas and let these plants know we're on to them.
this got me to thinking about chrismas plants, and i realized that they are all dangerous. for those of you that are unfamiliar with the 'traditional' christmas plants...here's a rundown (feel free to point out any i miss): holly, mistletoe, poinsetta, and ye olde tenenbaum.
now, you may be saying, 'ok, nick. i'll give you that holly is pointy and painful if touched (or fell in) but what's the danger in a tree parasite, a pretty red flower, and a christmas tree?'--oh, you poor naive child...you do not see the peril that surrounds you:
holly: while not only dangerously sharp, but it's pretty little berries are toxic...they could cause vomitting and diarrhea. this is what we call a 'double-threat,' holly attacks you from the outside and the inside.
mistletoe: first, it's a parastite. it kills trees...so, trees should already fear it. second, its berries are also poisonsous. mistletoe is a multi-species threat...neither flora nor fauna are safe.
poinsetta: first off, it's a liar...it's not even a flower; this could be the most dangerous of all since it attacks you psychologically. also, if you eat it you'll be spending Jesus' birthday worshipping a god of porcelain...if you catch my drift.
the christmas tree: ok, it's not poisonous, it's pointy...but not that pointy. it is, however, sort of heavy and flammable. and, if you have cats you have no doubt seen the shattered remnants of your thin-glassed ornaments scattered about the floor. one could step on those...in the dark...barefooted. just saying.
so, use this information and be weary of this malicious plant life that cons its way into our homes in this holy season. be safe this christmas and let these plants know we're on to them.
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